Is This My Mid Life Crisis?

A few weeks ago, I damaged my wife’s car by backing into it. Totally my fault, I own my actions. It started an introspection rabbit whole that for me is worthy of an Alice in Wonderland’s journey writeup. But for the sake of brevity, I’ll turn it into a blog post.

As you may know, I’m a life tinkerer and optimizer. I’m very curious as to how I work physically, mentally, and emotionally. Always looking at and for what makes me happy and life worthwhile.

I’ve hit a bump in the road, well, more of an obstacle…ALRIGHT, it’s a brick wall in the middle of the road. I don’t have my usual happiness or energy, I haven’t been able to figure out or positively intend my way through this using my current understanding of me. So, what’s the deal?

As it turns out, turning 50 means more to me than I thought. I have been hiding things from myself. I’m scared. I’ve stopped getting noticeably physically faster & stronger and mentally smarter every week. I had grown used to that over the last 5+ years.

I’ve also accomplished EVERYTHING on my 2^nd life’s bucket list. I had to make a second bucket list because I accomplished everything on my first life’s bucket list from when I was 35 and was told I had 10 years or less to live due to my arthritis (inflammation and hardening) spreading into my organs. I have purchased everything I have realistically ever wanted. I have been able to find peace in the moment through meditation…during meditation, not every single conscious moment.

I have an amazing wife who is my best friend, incredible job that allows me to make a difference in people’s lives and gives me an abundance of money, wonderful home, great pets, paid for very nice vehicles. In short, I have cocreated a fabulous dream life. One that I couldn’t have even dreamt of as a teenager.

I have EVERYTHING, why am I not blissful right now?! I’ve even gone through some behavioral materials lately thanks to Dave Asprey of Bulletproof with 4 F’s that make our body feel like it’s alive Food, Fight or Flight, and F***ing (sexual intimacy). I’m challenging and/or enjoying myself on all those levels. So no answer there.

I am grateful for everyone and everything that I have. I can feel a sense of happiness if I meditate on it. But moment to moment happiness doesn’t flow as I want it to.

So, I’ve found the issues and I’ve taken ownership of the situation. Now how do I fix it?

The first answer is surprising and came to me right after my proofreader checked out the first draft of this post and informed me that this article was more of a downer than anything they’ve seen me write before. The answer is exercise my ultimate freedom to decide what I want to feel. It’s a combination fix that makes me feel better immediately and a boatload of positive intention to power me through any long term habit or thought pattern changes that will be needed. I’ve done this before, why didn’t I figure this out right away this time? Maybe to show me the magic of love and wisdom in other’s advice perhaps?

I believe this will require clarity (what is it that I truly want right now), modified beliefs (I’m getting older and in this beautiful world of entropy I will also come to an end), an updated life attitude (living in the moment has never been more important than it is right now), and some type of challenge or novelty. I’m really good at focusing on what I want, visualizing what I desire, being grateful for what I already have. For me, that activates the law of attraction (faith, positive karma, good luck, or whatever else you want to call it) which pulls me towards what I want and what I want towards me.  How can I make that work for me?

Time to go back to my n=1 life lab and play! My experiment is going to go as follows. 1-Along the way, I will utilize every single tool at my disposal to keep enjoying my life’s journey and continue to compound my success; 2-I will intuit “what I want” through meditation and just keeping the open question as a thought in the back of my mind 24×7 until I have it; 3-When I have my answer, I will clarify what I want so that I have a crystal clear understanding and grasp on it; 4-I will begin acting on my answer; 5-I will assess as it makes sense to for me and make course corrections as required.

Even if I don’t get 100% success right of the bat, there will be lessons. I will take what I’ve learned, reformulate a plan and try again. Resiliency and Sticktoitiveness are some of the most important attributes to all the wonderful success I’ve enjoyed in my life.

To me, a worthwhile life is about love, happiness, and creation. I’m going to keep living a worthwhile life. How about you? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have little detour to take on this wonderful life’s journey. I wonder what new and amazing things I’ll discover?

That’s it! Thank you for reading! If you’re looking for more help in optimizing your own life and would like to engage my services, feel free to contact me.

Wishing you happiness, health, and success!

-Gregg